The Spiritual Journey in the Quest for Love:
“High Fidelity’s” Unlikely Hero
Paper for: Art Silverblatt
MEDC 5480
May 13, 2002
In today’s society, the transition from adolescence to adulthood is marked by the cultural myths that surround the idea of ‘settling down.’ Whether it be professionally or personally, each individual, in order to enter adulthood, must put aside childish notions and impulses and begin to make responsible decisions. A key factor in this transition is the commitment of oneself to another, generally through marriage. This idea is perpetuated in the cultural myth of the quest for love. Finding and recognizing ‘the one,’ or the soul mate, is an experience that propels the individual into adulthood by his or her acceptance and growth that this type of commitment demands.
This idea is reflected in literature, from Shakespeare to Jane Austen, as well as in film, especially with the genre of the romantic comedy. In many media productions, the myths surrounding love and the transition to adulthood are marked by a journey of self-discovery. It is the journey that allows the protagonist, or the unlikely hero, to experience the personal growth that is necessary to move into the next stage of his or her life. Films that deal with members of Generation X focus heavily on this idea. In the film “High Fidelity,” (2000) the unlikely hero comes in the form of Rob Gordon (John Cusack). In this film, Rob’s personal experiences with love and relationships thrust him towards his own journey of self-exploration that will lead him towards the growth and acceptance that allows him to move into the adult world.
In The Power of Myth, Joseph Campbell calls marriage, “recognition of a spiritual identity.” He goes on to say, “If we live a proper life, if our minds are on the right qualities in regarding the person of the opposite sex, we will find our proper male or female counterpart.” (p. 6) Thus, one aspect of growth is finding and recognizing the counterpart, or the soul mate. However, the cultural ideologies about love and marriage have begun to shift away from those of the previous generation.
Men and women are no longer expected to marry and procreate at an early age, but are now free to develop themselves personally and professionally before committing themselves to one person.
Kim Campbell’s article, “Beyond Bridget; A Fuller View of Single Women,” offers statistical evidence that young men and women are choosing to delay marriage. She states that, “the percentages of unmarried women ages 25 to 29, and 30 to 34 have roughly tripled between 1970 and 1998.” She goes on to say that the median age of marriage has also gone up, from about 20 in 1960 to 25 in 1998. These changing demographics have resulted in a change in the cultural ideologies about love and marriage. A person who is still single by the age of 30 is no longer an anomaly. However, the expectation that they will someday commit and ‘settle down’ remains as strong as ever.
The film “High Fidelity” was adapted from Nick Hornby’s novel of the same name. In his thirties, the protagonist Rob Gordon is the owner of a sometimes successful, sometimes failing record store in Chicago. He employs two ‘music geeks,’ Barry (Jack Black) and Dick (Todd Louiso) who serve as Rob’s alter egos throughout the film. And, most importantly, he is struggling with accepting adulthood and how his reluctance to enter it affects his relationships with women.
The film begins with a scene that sets the tone for the entire production: Rob’s girlfriend, Laura (Iben Hjejle), is leaving him. The ‘break-up’ is an important element of the mythology surrounding love. According to Art Silverblatt, in his book, Approaches to Media Literacy: A Handbook:
The All Sufficiency of Love holds that romantic love is a mystical force that is essential to a person’s self-esteem, identity, and existence. Conversely, loss of love is equated with loss of Self, so that maintaining a relationship-any relationship-is critical to a person’s very survival.
(p. 178)
Thus, Rob is experiencing a personal ‘loss of Self’ through his break-up with Laura. This myth is at the core of the film, as Rob’s memories of past break-ups will lead him on a journey of self-exploration in order to determine why his pursuits of love have always ended in separations. Joseph Campbell states, “One thing that comes out in myths is that at the bottom of the abyss comes the voice of salvation…At the darkest moment comes the light.” (p.46) Laura’s leaving is Rob’s darkness that will lead to his journey of towards the light, which will be his awareness of self.
An interesting aspect of this first scene is that, while his girlfriend packs her things, Rob is listening to his headphones, bemoaning the influences of pop music on his love life. In this initial scene, the viewer becomes aware of Rob’s inability to accept the situation, and subsequently, to express his emotions in an adult manner. Instead of pleading with Laura to stay, as it becomes clear he wants her to, he slams doors, turns up his music, and screams at her from his open window. Rob is unable to understand the situation, or his own desires within that situation.
Rob then tells the audience about his, “Desert island, all time, top five most memorable break-ups.” The journey begins with Alison Ashmore, a girl
Rob has a “relationship” with at the age of fourteen. He begins his monologue by describing how he and his friends had suddenly realized that girls were around, and “had grown breasts.” He goes on to say, “And we wanted- actually we didn’t even know what we wanted.” Although this initial foray into love lasts for three days, and ended with her kissing another boy, it had a profound impact on Rob:
It would be nice to think that since I was fourteen, times have changed. Relationships have become more sophisticated. Females less cruel. Skins thicker. Instincts more developed. But there seems to be an element of that afternoon in everything that has happened to me since. All my romantic stories are a scrambled version of that first one.
Thus, Rob is stuck in his adolescence when it comes to love. He has no idea what it is he wants, and is focused on blaming anyone but himself for any romantic tragedy in his life. And, although he is painfully aware of this, he must complete his journey of self-discovery before he realizes his inner self by accepting responsibility and taking action.
Rob’s “number two on the top five all time break-up list,” was Penny Hardwick. This relationship occurred when Rob was sixteen, and was focused on his desire for sexual activity. He states, “I wasn’t interested in Penny’s nice qualities, just breasts.” Penny refused to allow him anywhere near her breasts, which eventually led Rob to break-up with her, because, “What’s the point? It never goes anywhere.” The heartbreak occurs when Penny’s new boyfriend tells him that they had sex after three dates. At 16, Rob saw his relationship with Penny as nothing more than a conquest. Yet, in his thirties, he still cannot understand, what he sees, as her betrayal.
Number three in the top five is Charlie Nicholson, who Rob met during his sophomore year at college. Rob’s problem with this relationship was his insecurities. He states, “We went out for two years, and I never got comfortable.” He spent the entire relationship questioning why, “would a girl, no a woman, like Charlie go out with me?” He was intimidated by other men, and constantly feared she would leave him for another, which she did. This heartbreak led to Rob’s first taste of the darkness that is brought on by such a rejection. He states, “Then I lost it. Kind of lost it all you know? Faith, dignity, about fifteen pounds.” He learns his first lesson in love, “That you’ve got to punch your weight.” His meaning is that Charlie was too much for him, and it is better to find someone who is closer to his own level. This translates into the quest for love, as he is beginning to comprehend that, regardless of his impulses, not every woman is ‘right’ for him.
Sarah, number four on Rob’s list, was, what he describes as a “match.” He met her on the heels of his break-up with Charlie, and Sarah was on the rebound from a break-up with some “asshole named Michael.” After making proclamations of newfound independence, they end up forging a relationship from the pool of their collective misery. In this relationship, Rob and Sarah cling to each with corresponding fear of being alone. Therefore, it came as a shock to him when, at 26, she finds someone else. And, it remains a mystery to him still, as he asks, “So, how come I got dumped?”
Throughout this voyage through his past relationships, Rob is still unable to face his feelings about Laura. Although his brooding makes the audience aware that he is upset with the situation, he is returning to his past rather than dealing with his present. A phone call from his mother, however, forces him to return to the situation. She begins the conversation by telling Rob how lucky he is to have Laura doing, “as well as she’s doing.” His mother’s view of Laura’s success in her professional career is in contrast with her view of Rob’s lack of success. Although she comments on this in an extremely dysfunctional manner, she sees that Rob is not progressing.
The conversation continues when Rob tells his mother that Laura has left. She asks, “What are you going to do Rob?” Unable to look directly at the situation, Rob answers that he is going to drink a bottle of wine, go to bed, and then go to work. In answer to her question, “And then what?” Rob answers, “I’m gonna meet a nice girl, have children and the next time we talk, I’ll have it all figured out.” Rob’s mother then infers that the reason for Laura’s leaving was due to Rob’s reluctance to commit to marriage. Rob defends himself by stating:
It’s got nothing to do with marriage. Mom, I’m telling you for the last time, Laura didn’t even want to get married. She’s not that kind of girl. That’s not what happens now, okay?
Thus, Rob is aware that the ideas surrounding marriage and commitment have changed, and is using these changes to defend his own reluctance to move into this realm.
It becomes clear, as the film progresses, that Laura has grown, both professionally, as she has taken a higher paying position in her career and quit dying her hair pink, and emotionally, as she is ready for her personal life to take on more significance. In a later scene, Rob asks Laura what he could have done to make her happy. She answers, “Nothing. Make yourself happy.” Rob then asks, “Why am I not happy?” Laura answers, “Because, you’re the same person you used to be. And I’m not.” This idea is an important element of the film because it depicts the evolution of society’s ideas about relationship. In many previous films about heartbreak, the lines, “I don’t know who you are anymore,” or “You’ve changed,” signify that the dynamics of a relationship have changed because one person had moved in a different direction, away from the relationship. Generally, this change has negative connotations. In this film, however, Laura views Rob’s inability to change as being detrimental to their relationship. The idea is that he has not grown, or hasn’t “allowed for things to happen” to him, as she states. Thus, Rob is stuck emotionally and professionally in adolescence, while Laura has already begun her own personal transition.
After realizing that Laura is, in fact, his number five in the list of top five all time break-ups, Rob’s journey begins to unfold in a more honest and complex manner. He tells the audience about his first meeting with Laura, which occurred while he was a DJ at a club. His statement, “I liked her right away,” is reminiscent of Joseph Campbell’s idea of love being a ‘recognition of spiritual identity.’ Rob immediately connected with Laura, and his statements reflect that this relationship was extremely meaningful for him:
She didn’t make me miserable, or anxious, or ill at ease. And, you know, it sounds boring, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t spectacular either. It was just…good. But really good.
Although he is still unaware of the implications of his statements, Rob had, in effect, found his ‘soul mate.’ Yet, his quest remains unfinished because he is unable to recognize this and move beyond the initial point of the relationship.
The next point of Rob’s spiritual journey includes an honest portrayal of his behavior during his relationship with Laura, told from his point of view. The audience learns that Rob had an affair, while she, Laura, was pregnant, and that the affair was influential in her decision to terminate the pregnancy. The viewer also learns that Rob has borrowed four thousand dollars from her, which has not been repaid, and that, shortly before she left him, “I told her that I was kind of unhappy in the relationship. And, maybe sort of looking around for someone else.” Although Rob defends himself on each of these points, it is clear that he is coming to terms with his behavior, and the ramifications of it. This confessional moment is an important element of Rob’s journey towards adulthood, as he is accepting and taking responsibility for his actions to some degree. He is exploring the darkness that surrounds him in order to travel towards the light.
The next stage of Rob’s journey involves his search to the answers, “What’s wrong with me? Why am I doomed to be left?” He decides that the answers lie in his top five break-ups, and returns to each one to ask them why they left. From Alison’s mother, Rob learns that she ended up marrying the boy she forsake Rob for years ago. His reaction is exuberant: “I am fine now! This is great! This has got nothing to do with me!” He is suddenly freed from the misery of his first break-up.
In the next scene, Rob’s spiritual advisor shows up in the form of a guitar strumming Bruce Springsteen. He advises Rob to continue the journey by contacting the rest of the women on the list, to “see if they’ve forgiven you.” Rob lies back on his bed and says, “I’d feel clean and calm.” Bruce replies:
That’s what you’re looking for. You want to get ready to start again. That’d be good for you. You give that final good luck and goodbye to your all time top five, and just move on down the road.
This scene is a wonderful element of the film, as it delineates Rob’s journey. According to “the Boss,” Rob must let go of his past in order to move on to his future.
From each woman, he learns that his perception of the situations had been thwarted. For example, he learns from Penny that he actually hurt and left her, as opposed to his perception, which was the other way around. His meeting with Sarah leads him to the conclusion that he is actually glad that she left him, and their relationship did not hold the profound importance he once gave to it. When he meets Charlie, the insecurities of his early twenties have somewhat diminished, and he begins to see her for the person she really is, “And then it dawned on me. Charlie’s awful.” Rob realizes that he had put her on a pedestal that remained in his mind to this point. Her fall allows him to accept her previous rejection, and ultimately, move on.
With his search for answers resolved, Rob is now forced to look into his present situation. He begins to be aware of what is happening to himself, and to those around him. Barry’s lifelong dream of being in a band is beginning to become a reality; the shy and quiet Dick is embarking on a new personal relationship with a girl named Annaugh; and Laura has left him for an older hippie type named Ian. Rob’s partners in adolescence are beginning to move on.
Rob’s monologue, “Top five things I miss about Laura,” is indicative of his growth. His journey is coming to an end, and he is beginning to understand his past mistakes, and his responsibilities to himself for the future. Number three on the list is that he misses, “the way she smells, and the way she tastes.” He goes on, “It’s a mystery of human chemistry and I don’t understand it. Some people, as far as your senses are concerned, just feel like home.” This is, again, the spiritual recognition; however, at this point, he is beginning to recognize it. He also states that he could do a top five list about the things that she does that drive him crazy, but states, “That’s the kind of thinking that got me here in the first place.” His experiences gained by revisiting his past have taught him what is important in his relationships.
It is at this point in the film that Rob begins his transformation into adulthood. This is marked by a move towards success professionally and emotionally. First, he creates his own record label, Top Five Records, and offers to produce an album for two young boys that frequent his store. Emotionally, he is thrust back into a relationship when Laura returns after her father’s death. She is returning to him out comfort or safety, or as she puts it, “I’m too tired not to be with you.” However, Rob’s journey is not complete. Although it would seem that things have fallen into place, he, like many heroes before him, must face one last test, or in this case, temptation, before it becomes clear that he has made the transition into adulthood.
True to form, Rob’s test comes in the form of another woman. He is on the edge of triumph, yet he is still scared. He attempts to diminish the importance of his attempt to creating a record label by calling the release of the CD single, “no big deal.” Laura, on the other hand, sees that he has begun to change, and she wants to pay tribute to that by throwing a release party. “It’s just that you’re making something,” she states. Along with this success comes the admiration of another woman, Caroline. Rob recognizes her interest and responds to it by making her “a tape,” which, for him, is a very personal thing to do. However, in the midst of the tape’s creation, Rob halts the process and yells, “When is this going to stop?” He realizes the path he is going down, and has learned enough to know that it will eventually lead nowhere.
Following this scene, Rob addresses the audience with another monologue:
So, what am I going to do now? Just keep jumping from rock to rock for the rest of my life until there aren’t any rocks left? Should I bolt every time I get that feeling in my gut when I meet someone new? I’ve been thinking with my gut since I was fourteen years old, and frankly speaking, I’ve come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains.
It is after this realization that Rob asks Laura to marry him. His offer is met with her laughter, as she states, “I’m sorry, two days ago you were making tapes for that girl from the Reader. So forgive me if I don’t think of you as the world’s safest bet.” Rob goes on to explain to her what he has learned from his journey, which is that, other women, they’re just a fantasy. And, he’s tired of the fantasy, because, “it doesn’t really exist. And, there are never really any surprises and it never really delivers.” Although Laura doesn’t accept his proposal, the audience can see that he has grown, has completed the journey toward adulthood, has recognized love and is ready to commit himself to it.
Thus, Rob’s journey of self-exploration led him to a state of understanding of self. He now understands what he wants, what will make him happy, and how his actions can affect others in his life. His personal growth through the quest for love has allowed him to move into the adult world. In the end, Rob begins to make a compilation tape for Laura, “full of the stuff she’d like. Full of stuff that’d make her happy. For the first time, I can sort of see how that’s done.” The journey’s end, therefore, is marked by Rob’s maturity and the ability to think outside of himself, and think about someone else’s, namely Laura’s, happiness in accordance with his own.