Home for the Holidays
Dr. Patrick Stack, Director of Counseling/Life Development

This time of the year is usually filed with excitement as well as challenges. If your student is a resident seeing her/him return home for the holidays is exciting. Expectations of following family rules in light of several months of independence will be an adjustment for both parent and student. Waiting to read those first semester grades can be challenging, especially if your student has chosen not to share that information with you. So how is one to keep the festivity in the holiday season?

I am a firm believer that the parent(s) ought to be the executive of their own home. Keep in mind that flexibility, as opposed to rigidity, will be the best approach when it comes to expectations about family rules such as curfew, house cleanliness, work schedules, etc. Communicate your expectations first as a preemptive approach and also encourage your student to communicate her/his expectations. Don’t take anything for granted. If you are intending to have a family celebration make sure you inform your student about your plans, request they attend and tell them how important their presence will be. It is probably not wise to demand your student attend family functions and religious services. I am a man of faith. It is very important to me that my daughters attend religious services with me and their mother, but I will not demand they attend. I respect their personhood and their decision making, even when I disagree.

Both resident and commuter students are to be encouraged to unwind and rest. Remember, their primary job over the last several months was to study and learn. A friend of mine, who studied in Rome, Italy, had windows that faced a wine vineyard. Almost every day he looked out the windows at workers in the vineyard. The workers worked hard for long hours. My friend was inspired to apply hard work to his studies. Being a university student can be very hard work. Your student needs a relaxing break.

Let’s talk about grades for a moment. I think most students will share their grades with you. If your student does not, what are you to do? Ask her/him if there is disappointment with the grades. If the student answers yes, remind your student that there is a transition period for many first year university students. Also, encourage your student to not confuse competency with letter grades. He/she already proved their competency by graduating from high school. Suggest they speak to someone at Webster University, such as Academic Advising, Academic Resource Center, Counseling Center, or the instructor who gave the grade. A disappointing grade can be a blessing in disguise. The grade may reflect the student’s lack of communication with the instructor regarding academic progress, a bloated sense of their work, poor study habits, and/or not participating in a study group.

If you and your student face challenging holidays feel free to contact me at 314-968-6900. This is the main number for Webster University. Public Safety has the home and cell numbers for me and my staff. They will contact us and we will respond to your message.

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