October 2008 |
VOL 4 ISSUE 3
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Freshman Profiles About Staying Connected |
When the Parent Cries Patrick Stack, D.Min, LMFT, LPC, NCC, CASAC Director of Counseling/Life Development Last night my daughter, who is a freshman at a university in Rhode Island, called her mother. She told her mother that she intended to quit school and come home. She also told her mother that no one at her university knew what was going on, everyone at the university is stupid, and she misses her bed, bedroom, and friends. My daughter’s mother, who is my wife, suggested she speak to someone in counseling. Mind you that both my wife and I are licensed therapists. You would never know we are therapists if you were a fly on the wall at our home. You would probably suggest this family have therapy! Anyway, my wife’s suggestion was quickly dismissed. “Therapists don’t know what they are talking about. It is no one’s business but my business. Therapists are just in it (work) for the money.” To say the least, my wife was pretty upset and told our daughter she could not talk to her anymore. Then my wife called me! Crying! She asked to call our daughter and say something wise and helpful. I called my daughter about an hour later (let her calm down) and informed her that mom and I spoke. I asked her, “When do you want me to pick you up so you can come home?” I also informed her that her bed and bedroom are still here, though remarkably cleaner, but her friends are not around because they are going on with their lives. Things are not the same as a month and a half ago or when she was in high school. I also suggested she speak to someone in counseling or campus ministry (goodness, she can’t say campus ministers don’t care about anyone or that they are only in it for the money). I also told my daughter that I did not share her value that no one cares. We talked for a half an hour. She did say she will consider counseling. Before we ended, my daughter was interrupted by one of her new friends and I could overhear them laughing about sharing dinner. Ironically, I wrote and mailed my daughter a letter earlier the same day. The date was September 22. “This is about the time homesickness sets in as well as disappointment with the operation of your university”, I wrote. Included in the letter was a flyer my staff developed about homesickness. The staff is in the process of developing a new flyer about DISAPPOINTMENTS and how to cope. Be assured, my daughter will also receive that flyer! Similar to many of you with your daughters and sons, my heart is heavy knowing that 1100 miles east is my precious daughter, struggling with homesickness, confusion, neediness, and growth pains. I remind myself of the many times when she was an infant and young child, walking her in my arms and soothing her cries and assuring her of safety and security. Now it is her time to develop a personal sense of soothing as well as a sense of personal safety and security. There is no speeding up this growth process. The best I can do now is encourage the use of university resources such as counseling, RA’s, campus ministry, and her newly developed friendships. Whether your student is a resident or commuter they too will have an opportunity for growth similar to that which is now taking place on a Rhode Island campus. Feel free to contact me at stackpa@webster.edu or 314-968-7030 if I can be of assistance. |
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