Adjustment

Leaves Aren’t the Only Things That Change in the Fall

John Buck
Assistant Dean of Students

“We were standing in line to check in with a couple of hundred other incoming freshmen from 38 states, seven foreign countries and, it looked like, one or two distant solar systems.” - a parent of a college student

Sound familiar? Although it was only a few weeks ago when your student arrived at Webster University, it may feel like it was longer. Gone for many parents are the uneasy feelings of apprehension that come along with dropping your child off at college. Let’s not minimize that, though - it can be a difficult transition for parents to make, whether your student is the first or last to attend college in your family. Fall break at Webster, though, can bring parents a new sense of excitement: a happy, 5-day homecoming to be spent with the family, providing a small glimpse back to when this sort of thing happened all of the time. Yet, it’s important to know one thing as fall break approaches: while this homecoming affords you and your family to spend quality time with your student, it may not quite be the way it always was.

Autumn brings many seasonal changes, most notably the changing colors of leaves on trees. Similarly, you will begin to notice changes in your student as well – some stark and obvious, some more subtle. Consider the following: In roughly eight short weeks, they’ve embarked on a great adventure of managing their own time, own decisions, own money, own sleep schedule, own laundry and own class attendance. In their short time here your student has seen diverse faces never before seen (wonder where she’s from?), participated in programs never before thought remotely interesting (jell-o eating contest anyone?), and have shared stories with people from places they have never been (I have no idea where that is!). All of these things, and many more, begin to impact your child’s values, opinions and worldview.

“I had to learn that we cannot determine our children's future; they will make their own decisions, and one of the hard things is that those decisions often don't include their parents.” - a parent of a college student

So what does that mean for the upcoming respite called fall break? Here’s some food for thought as you prepare to welcome them home:

- Anticipate hearing them say things you never thought they’d say, but resist the urge to interpret that as a fundamental shift of the mindset of your student. It’s likely that this reflection of something new and interesting is something that they may not fully understand themselves.

- Anticipate hearing something s/he did that sounds outrageous, but resist the urge to demand a full explanation. Instead, engage the conversation in a way that looks at consequences and long-term effects of decisions made now (while at the same time remembering what you were like at 18-19 years old!).

It has always been the role of parents and families to make that stepping out the door possible. As students experience their first year of college, it can seem as if your student has one foot out the door, and they want to ignore home as they begin the journey to adulthood. Yet, in my experience, there are times when they want to make sure that home base is solid and predictable. Enjoy the time fall break affords you to visit with your student, remembering that they are probably looking forward to the visit as well. Just as you notice the leaves beginning to change in the fall, you’ll begin to also notice changes as your child visits home on breaks and describes their experience of being a college student. Your child is becoming an independent adult!