Adjustment

Roommate Troubles

By Karen Rasure
Coordinator of Housing and Residential Life

If you have heard complaints about your son or daughter’s roommate in the past few weeks, you are not alone. At this time of year, we begin to see a lot of roommate conflicts in the residence halls and apartments. It is completely normal for two students sharing a small space to not see eye to eye at times. This article takes a closer look at roommate relationships, and will hopefully give you a better idea of how you can help your son or daughter through this transition.

It is not necessary for roommates to be best friends in order for them to live together. Communication and mutual respect allow residents from very different backgrounds with very different personalities to live in harmony. However, even the closest roommates go through some rough times. The first few weeks of school are typically a sort of “honeymoon” period when there are so many fun things to do and new people to meet that the little things a roommate does are easy to ignore. In the early fall, after students have been in classes a few weeks, and the papers and tests are piling up, those annoying little habits become impossible to endure any longer.

One tool that we use to try and prevent any problems between roommates is the roommate agreement. This document provides residents with an opportunity to discuss issues that often lead to disagreements, and make some decisions that both roommates can live with before any problems develop. They cover topics such as cleaning the room, borrowing and using belongings and food, visitors and guests, and quiet and study time. Residents in the Webster Village Apartments received roommate agreements in their check-in packets. Residents in Maria and Loretto Hall received a roommate agreement in the middle of September, and before the end of the month, should have met with their RA (Resident Assistant) to discuss the terms of the agreement.

Anytime residents bring roommate problems to the attention of the RA, they are asked to first try to take care of the problem on their own by calmly discussing the issues, one-on-one, with their roommate. The RAs have been trained to prepare residents for this initial conversation by talking them through the process and role-playing. They are encouraged to address specific behaviors that bother them, and not to launch personal attacks on their roommates. If a conflict between two residents is not resolved after the initial conversation, the RA may step in and mediate a discussion between the pair. Although changing roommates may seem like an easy way to solve everyone’s problems, it is often a complicated process, and is reserved as a final alternative.

When it comes to roommate problems there are a few instances when your parental instinct to protect your child is right on target. Urge your son or daughter to seek out an RA or Residential Life staff member if he or she is faced with a roommate situation in which his or her personal safety is at risk.

After your son or daughter and his or her roommate have patched things up, hopefully they will have established lines of communication that will prevent them from having problems in the future. However, you can expect that there may be minor problems after the roommates go home for breaks and return to the roommate routine. When issues re-surface, encourage your student to quickly address their concerns in a calm respectful manner while they are still manageable so that they do not develop into problems that are too big to handle.